Well, my inner self is still under construction but I can tell you about what I hope my inner self will look like one day. She will have a hand because helping others comes naturally to her to help others. Her other hand will be calloused and hard because she works hard. She will also stand tall and firm, proud of herself and what she has earned. I would hope she has a nice smile on her mouth too, so that when she speaks people will listen and understand. I would want her ears and eyes to be large as well, so that she can see and listen to what others are saying. Most of all, I wish for my inner-self to have a large and open mind, so that she can listen, learn and respect. That is the type of inner-self, that I am working towards.
I dreamt that I was at the local public library. Although in real life the local library is cozier, the one I dreamt up was more mod-looking. It was cleaner and rather than fall colours, this library had sharper colours. Anyways, in the dream my family and I went to the library to rent out a movie for movie night --- which is odd considering we never have movie night together --- and there just happen to be a arts and craft sale. I picked up a craft that was essential a small gem box but when you open it, small chibi Batman figures were organized inside. They were lined up in the order of Batgirl, Batman, Red Robin, Nightwing and Robin. I was excited to have made this purchase, especially since it was Cassandra Cain's Batgirl and it carried the Nightwing character. My excitment soon turned to disappointment when I couldn't pull the figures out of the box and I was really disturb by it. It really bugged me as well once I realized it was Red Robin (My least favourite Robin from the New-Earth series) in the centre of the box rather than Batman or Nightwing. I woke up aburptly when one of my paintings fell from the nail and landing loudly on my bedroom floor. I woke up feeling irked/annoyed probably due to the fact my painting was now wrecked and the fact that I didn't actually buy any cute Batman figures.
I wouldn't need a stone that could keep me young forever; I need a stone of youth and immortality. If that were the case, I'd jump into my TARDIS, go back to 1965 and give THAT stone to Lincoln. Either that or go back to 1821 and give the stone to Napoleon.
Essentially, I grew up with a workaholic mother and no father-figure in my life. I think on some level, my mother worked hard because she loved both my brother and I. She probably didn't want us to live in this type of lifestyle she did when she was in Vietnam. Anyways, after being left home alone so many times I think I grew up more independent than most of my classmates. I always find that I tend to make my own rules or know how to make better decisions because I was given the opportunity to exerise my right on making those decisions when I was young. Although I wish my mother was the type who would read bed-time stories with me and ask about my grades (or at least how did my day went), I love her dearly.
I had a dream, where I was dating a prince --- I'm assuming it's because of all the Royal Wedding hype but in my dream, my prince wasn't English. The country he was in charge of (or soon to be in charge of) was very much like Canada's except in this country no one was allowed to wear socks or shoes. It was considered a great tradition and it would cause an uproar in his country so he wouldn't change the laws for me. Now, I get nervous around naked feet, I don't even like my own feet so I broke up with my prince. He was pretty upset and I was a little heart-broken too but I got over it. I distracted my sad broken-heart by taking care of pet rats that grew from blue-berries. I planted them, I watered them with liqud cheese, and I wanted them grow. Not all of them survived, which made me nervous because I couldn't tell if they were sleeping or not. Everything after this is pretty much a blurr, although I do remember waking up just after the prince and I bumped into each other at a grand party. Talk about awkward.
You know, a few weeks ago I posted a challenge to myself with my writer's block. I finished, of course however I don't think I'll post them. They're kind of personal and perhaps on some levels a little offensive to the readers. I think that's it for this entry.
Lately, my fiction writing for another site has been crap and my readers have taken notice. So I've started this theme challenge for myself to get out of this rut. You'll find a little more detail in my last post. The first theme: The Stranger's Welcome Strangers always have the best candy. That's why as children, we don't let our parents buy our candy for Halloween --- we put in the extra effort in getting that extra special costume whether it was the scariest, most expensive or glamorous <--- by the way, thanks Fergie I'll never forget how to spell this word again (or Fergalicious for that matter). Going out of our way to get a stranger's approval is what we condition ourselves to embrace. Like a mutt, see the treat and bend over backwards to get it. Good behaviour always results in the treat. A+ on the report card means your test is posted on the fridge, watching T.V. and behaving quietly all week means a Friday dinner at Chucky Cheeses'. That treat tastes good doesn't it? And in the same way Pavlov's mutt was trained, the process is repeated until the expected behaviour remains constant, even without the reward. Those in charge of the media understand this concept more than anyone else. Once the teenager has been trained, the advertisement companies send out a more or less mutual idea of what should be expected; the ideal appearance, the ideal items, and the ideal social values. The naive child wanders into the world unprepared and gets conditioned into believing that the ideal-whatever, is the reward. And when people are unable to achieve that perfection, most of them either try again or give up entirely. Some may argue that practice makes perfect but it doesn't. It creates excellences, but not perfection; nobody is perfect. You see this is fashion all the time. Nothing is truly beautiful and that is why there is a magazine that keeps us updated on what's "in" and what's "out". The bell goes off and I don't like listening because sometimes I feel that I am the only dog that understands there is no reward. Sure, I understand that strangers may have the best treats and goodies but at what price. And more importantly, will I be able to reject the stranger's welcome before it is too late?
Me too, so I divised a list that will hopfully stops me from continuely leave my microsoft word to just get into a YouTube-loop; a 100 theme challanged. This will keep me on a track time that I can keep writing without thinking that it is a job or a school paper. Hopfully, this will inspire me.
1. The strangers' welcome 2. Born this way 3. Number One 4. Voice of the generation 5. Teen 6. Brain-dead 7. Super 8. Not silence 9. God 10. In the end